Posted on by — Leave a comment

Contractual Love is Not Biblical Love

Illustration comparing Biblical love and contractual love in marriage

Have you ever wondered why so many Christian marriages are struggling?

Worldly thinking has crept in.

The modern-day understanding of marital love is not Biblical love – it’s contractual love.

Essentially, “If you give to me, then I continue to give back,” or “If you will uphold your end of the deal, then I will uphold mine.” This is not Biblical, selfless, devoted, covenantal love.

But God is the God of covenantal love, and He has always loved His people this way. He made covenant promises with His people to protect them, deliver them, be present with them, and be faithful to them. Even when God’s people were not faithful, He was always faithful to His promises. And now, He loves us faithfully, and He pours out His love on us!

His love looks like 1 Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”

This is what biblical marriage looks like.

This is the very definition of love…

that so many included in their marriage ceremonies – but many often forget this definition or let disappointments, hurts, and resentments cloud their understanding of love.

For so many, when they forget or hurt builds up with resentment and unresolved issues, Christians resort back to the world’s standards – which is, “You complete me…and if you don’t anymore, see ya later!”

Maybe they don’t go to the extreme of quitting just yet – but they certainly do not desire to uphold their side of their vows. Nor do they remember the love of Christ poured out upon them….daily.

And let’s be clear: Christians vowed to God even before they made vows to their spouses!

And when there have been years of disconnect, hurts, and resentments, a spouse can easily get to where they are nearly “done” and maybe even have given up.

It should have never gotten to this place. But it did, slowly.

Gradually.

So, what’s the answer for honorable but hurting Christians?

The Gospel

The Good News that though we have miserably failed at our side of things, God, in His mercy, offers forgiveness and grace to the repentant sinner through His Son Jesus.

God’s picture for love infused freshly in our marriage.

God’s design for marriage and family.

Godly wisdom, practical advice, encouragement, the right tools, and clearing out worldly ideas.

This is what is needed….

Many look for help.

What do you usually find?

A “Christian” helper that does not touch the Word of God.

Worldly “contractual love” advice.

Manipulative, catchy solutions to win your spouse in X days.

And these don’t work.

Of course, they don’t.

Because MOST of the marriage helps out there are nothing more than tricks, manipulations, and ways to convince your spouse to change or stay.

But the biggest problem with all of these?

They are NOT LOVE. Not marital love purely designed by our Creator. They are self-focused, self-serving, and completely focused on just getting what you want right now.

I talk to people every week who have tried these type of programs and they didn’t work.

And for a Christian, they won’t. And shouldn’t. Because we are to love Covenantally not contractually.

God has spoken: “I have loved you with an everlasting love”

If you have been looking for a pathway to heal your marriage, you need more of God, His Word, Godly encouragement, and an encouraging environment that leads to Gospel breakthroughs.

That’s how we designed Turnaround Marriage.

If you’re ready to learn how to heal from the past hurts, resentments, and disappointments, and are eager to infuse your marriage with covenantal love, I want to encourage to book a breakthrough call with us.

If you’re looking for more therapies, psycho-babble, or a place to complain – this is not for you.

But if you’re ready to take action and learn how to institute covenantal love into your marriage now, book that call here: www.turnaroundmarriage.com/call/

Scott & Rachel

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Stop Waiting for Your Spouse to Change

Stop Waiting for Your Spouse to Change: Break the Cycle and Transform Your Marriage

Waiting for Him to Change?

Or for her…

It might happen.  But probably it won’t.  Unless you do.


The Common Cycles in Struggling Marriages

So many couples come to us hoping that their spouse will change, but unless they come to the place where they realize that they have to change too, they will stay hurt, frustrated, and hopeless.

Marriage and life don’t work that way.  There is always blame to go around in almost any marriage and unless you realize that, not much can change. (Note: I am not talking about active abuse – there is no excuse for that! And even those cases require doing something different for things to change.)

Maybe you are stuck in a cycle of hurt. 

Wives, maybe you’re feeling starved for love in your marriage. Your husband is always working, checked out, emotionally distant, or withdrawn. You try to tell him how you feel, but he either just gets angry or shuts down.

It hurts you even more because if feels like you are unimportant and essentially unloved.

And the more you cry and tell him how you feel, the more angry or shut down he becomes, and the cycle continues.

Husbands, maybe you’re frustrated because you work really hard to provide for your family, but no matter how hard you work it feels like it’s not enough.

Your wife is constantly nagging you, being critical of you, or just complaining to you, and it’s all you can do to find peace.

Some of the time you can keep it together, but the lack of respect is causing resentment and sometimes you explode in an angry outburst, and you can see how hurt your wife is.

Doesn’t she see all you want is peace?  The cycle continues.

So, Who Will Break the Cycle?

If both are waiting for things to change, nothing will.

If both are hoping the other will change, they probably won’t.

If both are asking the other to get help, they will probably stay stuck.

But we teach people to take 100% responsibility for their own sins/mistake in the marriage (even if they only have 20% to own) and how to be responsible for the way they show up in the marriage.

And once ONE person seeks healing, change, and DECIDES to break the vicious cycles then those cycles will stop.  Then they can reverse and become cycles of healing instead.

Two Things You Can Change

To be clear: you cannot change anyone else.  You can only change 2 things.  1-Yourself (with God’s help) and 2-The Strategy (of marriage).  And if things are not going well, you must take ownership of these 2 areas.

First, you must get help even if your spouse isn’t willing, yet. Let’s get to the bottom of unseen lies, heal from past relationships and get out of negativity and reacting harshly.  Start believing the truth about yourself and your worth.  Let’s uncover why you haven’t known how to or been willing to give your spouse what she/he needs.

Second, you must immediately implement a specific strategy to rebuild connection with your spouse.  So you can Reconnect at a heart level. Understand why you are both starving. Begin nourishing your spouse and the marriage again. Learn how to speak to your spouse’s hurt. Develop the ability to deeply forgive. Gain perspective on the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Tap into the love, peace, and joy of the Lord despite what your spouse is doing.

ONE PERSON can change the dynamics in the marriage.  It doesn’t always change the other person…but it CAN break the cycle instead of just waiting on each other.

Three Steps to Break the Cycle

1-Watch our Masterclass: 

“The 5 Simple Shifts Christian Couples Make to Completely Turn Their Marriage Around Quickly, Recover Connection, and Fall Back in Love Again” and see a very different way of why your marriage is struggling and what to do about it. Especially pay attention to shift #3.  You can watch it at www.turnaroundmarriage.com/video

2-Book a Breakthrough Call: 

For those that are serious about change.  That are not wanting to POINT FINGERS at their spouse anymore.   On the call, we’ll dive into the vicious cycles, talk about what it’s costing you, and what you dream things can be.  If we are good fit, we then get real about a clear strategy to get there!   Whether it’s just you or the two of you, we will absolutely show you what healing would look like and show you the next step you can take to get there. You can book it at: www.turnaroundmarriage.com/call

3-Decide to be the one to break the cycle and get the help you need.

It’s time to break those harmful cycles once and for all.

Taylor is really grateful he was willing to go first. He watched our masterclass, booked a breakthrough session with us, and got to work on his side of the street. Months later, his wife’s heart softened toward him, and she noticed enough of a difference that she was willing to get to work too, and she joined him.

They are rebuilding closeness, connection, and have a whole new way to communicate at a heart level.

Their daughter is really grateful, too.

PLEASE stop waiting for your spouse to change and take ACTION today.


Talk Soon,

Scott & Rachel

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Overcoming Marital Hardships

A Turnaround Marriage Success Story

Overcoming Marital Hardships

In life, we inevitably face hardships, whether we’re single or married. The journey of overcoming marital hardships becomes a little more complex, as these challenges can sometimes strain the bond between spouses, just as they did in our own marriage.

When I decided to reach out to Rachel, I had no idea how impactful our introductory phone call would be. Looking back, I am grateful that I took that step.

The Transformative Power of Seeking Help

Over the following months, Rachel and Scott played a pivotal role in my husband’s realization that he needed to take care of himself in order to have a greater capacity for our relationship. They also helped me in my healing process, enabling me to overcome my past and establish healthier boundaries that have forever transformed my life.

Key Lessons Learned

The most profound lesson we learned in overcoming our marital hardships was that my husband and I were on the same team regardless of what we were going through. Together, with the presence of God, we could face any challenge. Once we prioritized this order in our lives, everything else seemed to fall into place.

Scott and Rachel equipped us with invaluable tools to navigate the world as a united couple, keeping our love vibrant and resilient. They showed us how to find joy amidst hardships and continually nurture our passion for one another.

What sets Scott and Rachel apart is not only their ability to teach the principles of a fulfilling, God-centered marriage, but also the beautiful example they set through their own lives. They consistently demonstrate what it means to honor, love, and respect one’s spouse, leading by example every step of the way.

Finding Guidance in God’s Word

Although we don’t have all the answers, we take solace in knowing that God does, and the Turnaround Marriage program always directs us back to His Word, where we find perfect guidance.

Today, my husband and I have never been happier, more committed, or more passionate about our shared faith. We are filled with gratitude for the profound impact Scott and Rachel have had on our lives.

Love,

Sara

NOTE: Sara’s transformation started with a breakthrough call. Let’s have a real conversation and help you begin your journey of healing and restoration too: www.turnaroundmarriage.com/call/