The Common Cycles in Struggling Marriages

So many couples come to us hoping that their spouse will change, but unless they come to the place where they realize that they have to change too, they will stay hurt, frustrated, and hopeless.

Marriage and life don’t work that way.  There is always blame to go around in almost any marriage and unless you realize that, not much can change. (Note: I am not talking about active abuse – there is no excuse for that! And even those cases require doing something different for things to change.)

Maybe you are stuck in a cycle of hurt. 

Wives, maybe you’re feeling starved for love in your marriage. Your husband is always working, checked out, emotionally distant, or withdrawn. You try to tell him how you feel, but he either just gets angry or shuts down.

It hurts you even more because if feels like you are unimportant and essentially unloved.

And the more you cry and tell him how you feel, the more angry or shut down he becomes, and the cycle continues.

Husbands, maybe you’re frustrated because you work really hard to provide for your family, but no matter how hard you work it feels like it’s not enough.

Your wife is constantly nagging you, being critical of you, or just complaining to you, and it’s all you can do to find peace.

Some of the time you can keep it together, but the lack of respect is causing resentment and sometimes you explode in an angry outburst, and you can see how hurt your wife is.

Doesn’t she see all you want is peace?  The cycle continues.

So, Who Will Break the Cycle?

If both are waiting for things to change, nothing will.

If both are hoping the other will change, they probably won’t.

If both are asking the other to get help, they will probably stay stuck.

But we teach people to take 100% responsibility for their own sins/mistake in the marriage (even if they only have 20% to own) and how to be responsible for the way they show up in the marriage.

And once ONE person seeks healing, change, and DECIDES to break the vicious cycles then those cycles will stop.  Then they can reverse and become cycles of healing instead.

Two Things You Can Change

To be clear: you cannot change anyone else.  You can only change 2 things.  1-Yourself (with God’s help) and 2-The Strategy (of marriage).  And if things are not going well, you must take ownership of these 2 areas.

First, you must get help even if your spouse isn’t willing, yet. Let’s get to the bottom of unseen lies, heal from past relationships and get out of negativity and reacting harshly.  Start believing the truth about yourself and your worth.  Let’s uncover why you haven’t known how to or been willing to give your spouse what she/he needs.

Second, you must immediately implement a specific strategy to rebuild connection with your spouse.  So you can Reconnect at a heart level. Understand why you are both starving. Begin nourishing your spouse and the marriage again. Learn how to speak to your spouse’s hurt. Develop the ability to deeply forgive. Gain perspective on the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Tap into the love, peace, and joy of the Lord despite what your spouse is doing.

ONE PERSON can change the dynamics in the marriage.  It doesn’t always change the other person…but it CAN break the cycle instead of just waiting on each other.

Three Steps to Break the Cycle

1-Watch our Masterclass: 

“The 5 Simple Shifts Christian Couples Make to Completely Turn Their Marriage Around Quickly, Recover Connection, and Fall Back in Love Again” and see a very different way of why your marriage is struggling and what to do about it. Especially pay attention to shift #3.  You can watch it at www.turnaroundmarriage.com/video

2-Book a Breakthrough Call: 

For those that are serious about change.  That are not wanting to POINT FINGERS at their spouse anymore.   On the call, we’ll dive into the vicious cycles, talk about what it’s costing you, and what you dream things can be.  If we are good fit, we then get real about a clear strategy to get there!   Whether it’s just you or the two of you, we will absolutely show you what healing would look like and show you the next step you can take to get there. You can book it at: www.turnaroundmarriage.com/call

3-Decide to be the one to break the cycle and get the help you need.

It’s time to break those harmful cycles once and for all.

Taylor is really grateful he was willing to go first. He watched our masterclass, booked a breakthrough session with us, and got to work on his side of the street. Months later, his wife’s heart softened toward him, and she noticed enough of a difference that she was willing to get to work too, and she joined him.

They are rebuilding closeness, connection, and have a whole new way to communicate at a heart level.

Their daughter is really grateful, too.

PLEASE stop waiting for your spouse to change and take ACTION today.


Talk Soon,

Scott & Rachel