One of the most heartbreaking things we hear on calls with hurting people every single day is the feeling of loneliness in their marriage. It’s the last thing you would expect when you marry someone you love deeply.
We’ve all experienced loneliness in our teenage years or early adulthood—when we were single, looking for love, or heartbroken after a breakup. But to feel alone with someone living in your home? To feel isolated from the one you love more than anyone else on this earth?
The Signs of Disconnection
You come home from work, longing to connect with your spouse, only to find a stiff, tense atmosphere. Your spouse barely acknowledges you, and instead of a warm embrace, you find the weight of silence filling the space between you.
As you ride in the car together, you experience awkward silence and a growing distance between you.
As you sit down for a meal, you both turn to your cell phones for companionship because the connection between you feels so strained.
This common thread runs through marriages marked by tension, arguments, or disconnection. It can feel even more isolating when there’s an avoidance of conflict, allowing hurts and miscommunications to pile up under the proverbial rug.
The Slow Fade of Loneliness
Here’s the thing: loneliness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow fade over time, a pattern of turning away from each other when opportunities to connect arise. It grows deeper when hurts take root, bitterness sets in, and stubbornness prevails—on one or both sides.
This disconnection can be one of the most agonizing parts of a struggling marriage. It can leave you feeling like a fraud, particularly when, as a believer in Jesus, you know better.
Taking Steps Toward Connection
Just as it happens in the little things of turning away from each other, you can begin to turn toward each other in the little things too. A kind word. An expression of gratitude. Trading criticism for curiosity. You can choose to be open and vulnerable, even if your honesty meets rebuff.
For most people stuck in these patterns for years or decades, many thoughts race through your mind: ‘They don’t deserve it,’ ‘I’m always the first to apologize,’ and ‘Too much trust has been broken,’ which makes you refuse to take the first step.
Overcoming Mental Barriers
For many individuals stuck in these patterns for years or even decades, mental barriers can feel overwhelming. You might find thoughts racing through your mind: ‘They don’t deserve it,’ ‘I’m always the first to apologize,’ or ‘Too much trust has been broken.
This is where the power of transformational coaching comes in. By becoming aware of the lies you’ve believed and the negative tapes you’ve been replaying, you can learn to renew your mind. As Scripture advises, and recalibrate your heart to let go of bitterness, anger, rage, and apathy.
Finding Hope and Help
If you are lonely in your marriage, you can check out our free masterclass, The 5-Step Strategy Christian Couples Use to Completely Turn Their Marriage Around Quickly, Recover Intimacy, and Fall Back in Love Again. It’s helped thousands of couples get clarity and help on bringing back closeness and connection.
There is hope and help available for you. Check it out here.