But it’s not all your fault. In fact, there is an all-out attack on manhood. On your manhood.

Three Enemies Facing Christian Men

According to the Bible, there are 3 enemies that we face:

#1 – The World (James 4:4)

Our culture, including Hollywood, TV, and modern thinking, opposes your inherent strength, courage, and ferocity. As a result, patriarchy is now vilified as the greatest threat to women and society.

#2 – The Flesh (Galatians 5:17)

The Flesh (Galatians 5:17): When our flesh leads, it renders us powerless. Vices like porn, drugs, and selfishness can devastate us and our families, weakening our ability to fulfill our calling.

#3 – The Devil (1 Peter 5:8)

Of Course, you have the Father of Lies, he attacks you relentlessly, aiming to make you feel small and powerless. He deceives you about your inability to change and the toxicity of your God-given masculinity.

The Impact of Weak Masculinity on Christian Marriages

If you combine all these attacks in the modern world with the internet, negative messages everywhere, and gender confusion leading the conversations, then you get the world we live in, with powerless, weak men all around.

Recently, I spoke with a pastor who expressed frustration at having to act nice instead of embodying a strong warrior. This sentiment reflects the feminization of the American Church.

Please hear me, there is nothing wrong with the feminine. We need it – we need women! The world and our families need their eye for beauty, their tenderness, their nurture, their ability to express how they feel, their ability to multi-task, and all the beauty that God has instilled as the feminine side of women.

But we also need more godly men to ferociously defend the flock who are warriors that will not cower and will fight the good fight.

We need men to step up to lead, protect, provide, and be emotionally and spiritually present in their homes, their churches, and their communities.

It’s crucial to note that I’m not referring to the biggest cowards who abuse those they should protect. The ones that are defensive, turn their problems around on their wives, use their strength to keep their wives stuck in fear and hurt them physically, emotionally, or mentally. Such behavior is the antithesis of true masculinity and requires a serious “come to Jesus” moment. If that is you – you and I need to have a different conversation, but please know that you can be set free from that true toxic masculinity and step into the honorable version of yourself that God is calling you to be.

Stepping Into Biblical Masculinity

I Talk to Men All the Time Who Resonate With The Message of Toxic WEAK Masculinity

Men who WANT to be so much more. Who desire to be strong and to lead their homes. Who recognize that they have stepped out of the way and let their wives dominate them because of feeling insecure or not exactly knowing how to lead. This causes their wives to be frustrated with having to be their husband’s moms and deep resentment seeps into a wife’s heart when she feels she has to drag her husband to church, beg him to lead their children, or be emotionally available to her. And the men know that they are acting like cowardly weaklings.

Men Were Made For So Much More

Christian men know it inherently – that they are responsible to lead. That they are to be strong for everyone in their lives. That they need more than getting angry at a football game as a conduit for their strength. That they were made to defend, protect, and lead their families.

But They Recognize They Are Stuck

I have these conversations with men who see it clearly. Yet they stay in their powerlessness.

And this is where I often get a little angry.

Because so many refuse to step up. They refuse to fight for their failing marriage. They give up before they start. They resign themselves to lives of regret, emptiness, cowardice, and a feminized version of themselves.

When I offer my hand to help them step into the man God created them to be and to fight for their marriage honorably, they say things like, “Well, I need to check with my wife.”

“I am not sure…I’m nervous that I might push her away.”

“I want to ensure she is ok with me becoming the man I need to be.”

“I just don’t see how things could be different.”

ALL of these comments break my heart – and it mostly makes me angry at their enemies. But I also can get really frustrated with the men who do not take action. The ones who give up.

Taking Action: Reclaiming Your God-Given Role

When you get another man in your corner with biblical truth, accountability, and a strategy, everything changes. They come alive to who they are and who they were meant to be, because they begin to model their lives after Jesus – the Rugged Carpenter, the Temple-Whipper, the White-Stallion-Riding Warrior with Bright Ferocious Eyes.

They Uncross Their Legs And Step Into Who They Are: Men

Yes, I just said that. They become the men that GOD ALREADY SAYS THEY ARE!

They show up differently. Radically different. Powerful. Connected with their God and their purpose to fight for their families.

And we love these men. Honor them. Remind them of who they are. And then they step into warriors.

Dentist Warriors.

Repairmen Warriors.

Teacher Warriors.

Policeman Warriors.

Military Warriors.

Businessman Warriors.

Retired Grandfather Warriors.

I WILL GET HATE on this article.

People will tell me all about toxic masculinity. They will talk about my ancient patriarchal view.

I DON’T CARE!

Because there are men out there that will hear this and will stand up. Who are ready to be men as they were created to be.

Our culture, our communities, our families, our wives and children will be better off if they do.

If this resonates with you, watch the video here that changed everything for Charlie, Bert, Colin, Tim, David, Jim, Michael, Mark, Rocky, Jeff, Billy, Earl, Aaron, Travis, James, Bill, John, Nicholas, Joseph, and a hundred other men who said enough is enough. It’s time to man up and learn how to do marriage God’s way and be the man God has called you to be.

You can find that video here: http://www.turnaroundmarriage.live

It’s time to stop believing the lies that this is just how you are and there’s nothing you can do.

Because now is the time for action.

Talk Soon,

Scott

The Common Cycles in Struggling Marriages

So many couples come to us hoping that their spouse will change, but unless they come to the place where they realize that they have to change too, they will stay hurt, frustrated, and hopeless.

Marriage and life don’t work that way.  There is always blame to go around in almost any marriage and unless you realize that, not much can change. (Note: I am not talking about active abuse – there is no excuse for that! And even those cases require doing something different for things to change.)

Maybe you are stuck in a cycle of hurt. 

Wives, maybe you’re feeling starved for love in your marriage. Your husband is always working, checked out, emotionally distant, or withdrawn. You try to tell him how you feel, but he either just gets angry or shuts down.

It hurts you even more because if feels like you are unimportant and essentially unloved.

And the more you cry and tell him how you feel, the more angry or shut down he becomes, and the cycle continues.

Husbands, maybe you’re frustrated because you work really hard to provide for your family, but no matter how hard you work it feels like it’s not enough.

Your wife is constantly nagging you, being critical of you, or just complaining to you, and it’s all you can do to find peace.

Some of the time you can keep it together, but the lack of respect is causing resentment and sometimes you explode in an angry outburst, and you can see how hurt your wife is.

Doesn’t she see all you want is peace?  The cycle continues.

So, Who Will Break the Cycle?

If both are waiting for things to change, nothing will.

If both are hoping the other will change, they probably won’t.

If both are asking the other to get help, they will probably stay stuck.

But we teach people to take 100% responsibility for their own sins/mistake in the marriage (even if they only have 20% to own) and how to be responsible for the way they show up in the marriage.

And once ONE person seeks healing, change, and DECIDES to break the vicious cycles then those cycles will stop.  Then they can reverse and become cycles of healing instead.

Two Things You Can Change

To be clear: you cannot change anyone else.  You can only change 2 things.  1-Yourself (with God’s help) and 2-The Strategy (of marriage).  And if things are not going well, you must take ownership of these 2 areas.

First, you must get help even if your spouse isn’t willing, yet. Let’s get to the bottom of unseen lies, heal from past relationships and get out of negativity and reacting harshly.  Start believing the truth about yourself and your worth.  Let’s uncover why you haven’t known how to or been willing to give your spouse what she/he needs.

Second, you must immediately implement a specific strategy to rebuild connection with your spouse.  So you can Reconnect at a heart level. Understand why you are both starving. Begin nourishing your spouse and the marriage again. Learn how to speak to your spouse’s hurt. Develop the ability to deeply forgive. Gain perspective on the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Tap into the love, peace, and joy of the Lord despite what your spouse is doing.

ONE PERSON can change the dynamics in the marriage.  It doesn’t always change the other person…but it CAN break the cycle instead of just waiting on each other.

Three Steps to Break the Cycle

1-Watch our Masterclass: 

“The 5 Simple Shifts Christian Couples Make to Completely Turn Their Marriage Around Quickly, Recover Connection, and Fall Back in Love Again” and see a very different way of why your marriage is struggling and what to do about it. Especially pay attention to shift #3.  You can watch it at www.turnaroundmarriage.com/video

2-Book a Breakthrough Call: 

For those that are serious about change.  That are not wanting to POINT FINGERS at their spouse anymore.   On the call, we’ll dive into the vicious cycles, talk about what it’s costing you, and what you dream things can be.  If we are good fit, we then get real about a clear strategy to get there!   Whether it’s just you or the two of you, we will absolutely show you what healing would look like and show you the next step you can take to get there. You can book it at: www.turnaroundmarriage.com/call

3-Decide to be the one to break the cycle and get the help you need.

It’s time to break those harmful cycles once and for all.

Taylor is really grateful he was willing to go first. He watched our masterclass, booked a breakthrough session with us, and got to work on his side of the street. Months later, his wife’s heart softened toward him, and she noticed enough of a difference that she was willing to get to work too, and she joined him.

They are rebuilding closeness, connection, and have a whole new way to communicate at a heart level.

Their daughter is really grateful, too.

PLEASE stop waiting for your spouse to change and take ACTION today.


Talk Soon,

Scott & Rachel